WHAT IF I CAN’T GET UP AGAIN?

WHAT IF I CAN’T GET UP AGAIN? | This is something I asked myself last year for the first time in my life. Why only then? Well because all my life things never had the option of not working out. There was never an option of not succeeding. Growing up less fortunate is probably one of the most traumatising experiences anyone could go through. It changes your perspectives on so many things and you always feel the need to survive and protect yourself. To make it worse there is never an option of failure because you only get so many opportunities and so many chances. The reality is the only reason I ever doubt myself is because I am comparing myself to other people. I am just looking at how far everyone else is. Ignoring my own struggles, hurdles and opinions. I know it is not easy to do that, to be proud of myself. Of the progress I make and the people I inspire. How do you do that when you spend most of your life hearing nothing but criticism? My therapist said to give myself everything I expect from the world or people in my life. The thought of failure used to paralyse me. I have been living my own life, for myself and my own rules ever since I asked myself that question that day.

I realised then truly just how much I had been doubting myself and downplaying my value.

I have been looking for a job in Marketing, particularly the kind that allows me to use data as the core responsibility. This is because, I felt all the while since starting my YouTube channel that my intelligence is unlimited and so is my creativity. Since I could remember I wanted to be a forensic scientist. That was until I learned that I had to be around decaying bodies, that quite frankly, don’t smell that good. Then I thought, well maybe I should be a lawyer because I am so good at debating, and I am really making my mark in the Model United Nations. That was until I realised that studying law would mean I have to spend most of my time in the library and never get to really have a university experience. I studied Sociology and Political Science and realised that there are many ways different disciplines come together wonderfully. I enrolled for my masters after shockingly being accepted at one of the top Universities in Germany. I realised then truly just how much I had been doubting myself and downplaying my value.

Through my degree I have learned just how fast I am at learning new things, and how well I can work under pressure with deadlines and technology breathing down my neck. One of the most insightful take-aways is accepting that things take time. If you do not make it now, get up and make it tomorrow. There is no need to beat yourself about things you can no longer change. Accepting the things, I cannot change is one of the reasons I am still able to get up every day.